Update from the Union of Evil Blackberries' Anti-Douglas Fir Sappling Task Force
Several years ago the Union of Evil Blackberries sent a task force of some of it's most militant specimens to a small property where trees were being planted. The area had just been logged, making it a prime area for seeds to take root. The blackberries quickly dominated the area in about one year, well on their way to choking out the newly planted trees. However, humans fought the invaders and periodically rescued the Douglas Firs. Unfortunately, little succor came last year, and now the blackberries are advancing at a rate which appears to create havoc soon. Will they conquer? That is a question recently posed to the head of the task force.
Q: So, how is your evil plan to dominate this property going?
A: Well, two winters ago there was a nasty snow storm which flattened most of the brush, including blackberries. The humans were happy about this and let themselves forget about the area for the summer. During that time we completely recovered and put ourselves in a strong offensive position.
Q: That's nice, but have you been able to exploit that?
A: Well, we were in the process of killing quite a few trees this spring when one of the humans began a blistering campaign. He chopped many of our main vines before they were well-grown. Morover, he used a machete, something completely new in this arena. At first it didn't cause much harm, but then it was significantly sharpened, causing much damage.
Q: Does this human use any sort of strategy, or does he just whack at leaves?
A: Oh, he uses one of the worst strategies I have ever seen. He starts chopping on the outside of a cluster, and then works in until he gets almost to the roots. Most humans just whack a bit at us, but he kills us!
Q: That sounds bad, what is the death toll?
A: Well, he has all of the main trails cleared, many clusters killed, and the majority of the trees free. Our penetration levels are exceedingly low for this time in the season. Most of our normal expansion during the summer has been checked pre-emptively. It is terrible!
Q: That does sound bad, by the way, is he using any new technology other than the machete?
A: Well, several years ago the humans used this nasty weed-wacker like device. It did much damage to our ranks. Fortunately, it was taken out of service for awhile. However, our spies say that it may be used again. Supposedly it doesn't have the usual plastic cutting implement and uses something much more effective against our vines. Our highest commanders seem very concerned about this issue.
Q: Well, nice talking to you, I hope you find some way to win.
A: Oh, we are trying, trying our hardest.
Q: So, how is your evil plan to dominate this property going?
A: Well, two winters ago there was a nasty snow storm which flattened most of the brush, including blackberries. The humans were happy about this and let themselves forget about the area for the summer. During that time we completely recovered and put ourselves in a strong offensive position.
Q: That's nice, but have you been able to exploit that?
A: Well, we were in the process of killing quite a few trees this spring when one of the humans began a blistering campaign. He chopped many of our main vines before they were well-grown. Morover, he used a machete, something completely new in this arena. At first it didn't cause much harm, but then it was significantly sharpened, causing much damage.
Q: Does this human use any sort of strategy, or does he just whack at leaves?
A: Oh, he uses one of the worst strategies I have ever seen. He starts chopping on the outside of a cluster, and then works in until he gets almost to the roots. Most humans just whack a bit at us, but he kills us!
Q: That sounds bad, what is the death toll?
A: Well, he has all of the main trails cleared, many clusters killed, and the majority of the trees free. Our penetration levels are exceedingly low for this time in the season. Most of our normal expansion during the summer has been checked pre-emptively. It is terrible!
Q: That does sound bad, by the way, is he using any new technology other than the machete?
A: Well, several years ago the humans used this nasty weed-wacker like device. It did much damage to our ranks. Fortunately, it was taken out of service for awhile. However, our spies say that it may be used again. Supposedly it doesn't have the usual plastic cutting implement and uses something much more effective against our vines. Our highest commanders seem very concerned about this issue.
Q: Well, nice talking to you, I hope you find some way to win.
A: Oh, we are trying, trying our hardest.
posted by Jeremy @ 10:38 PM
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