Saturday, July 30, 2005

For the last two days I have not managed my internet domain very well. All the people expecting my usual smart-aleck replies and twisted jokes have been disapointed (well, maybe) What is my excuse? Just two words:

Google Earth

Yes, it's the greatest aerial/sattelite imaging program to date. High-resolution photos inexplicably plastered onto three dimensional terrain. I could spend hours lauding this program, and many hours more using it. Google Earth, simply amazing.

The Dark Reservoir--at a depth of two feet

Monday, July 25, 2005

We have officially started on the Boy's Dorm Project, converting the garage at our future house into a (see title of project) This involves removing the concrete floor that currently exists. After about two and a half hours of hard work today, we have about ten percent finished. Not to imply that banging large truck axles and sledge hammers into cement is easy, but we are making progress. If anyone is getting tired of doing nothing, or just clicking away at the computer all day, we will welcome you here.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Well, enough insanity for today. In other breaking news, I renewed my permit at 11:30 this morning.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

A Plan To Solve for WD-40 Inavailability

Virtually all Americans use WD-40 to lubricate, clean and preserve any piece of metal that is liable to wear. Modern cowboys reach for their trusty can many more times than they reach for their trusty six-shooter. Unfortunately, the, "Trusty Can" is often very untrustworthy. How many times have you gone to lube a bike chain only to find your dispenser disturbingly light? Too many times to count, I can guarantee. This can result in tragically rusty parts. The manufacturers have tried to combat this plague by giving us larger bottles, but that has hardly aliviated the trend. The iron in America seems to be suffering a terrible fate, but hope may yet be on the horizon.

At this point, I will deviate slightly. Imagine the olden days, when people had to draw water from wells that could be a significant distance from where they needed the water. Bringing in water was a back-breaking chore. However, in recent years this has been eliminated by the wonder of running water. Innovators didn't just make larger buckets, they piped water from the source directly into houses. The difficulty in acquiring sufficient amounts of WD-40 could be allieviated in the same way. Simply run a pipe from the local WD-40 factory to people's houses. The results? Fatter WD-40 execs, happier handymen and well preserved metal. There is nothing to lose, and much to gain.

Saturday, July 16, 2005


Well, you might not have guessed, but I danced yesterday. No, I didn't go to the Deckers, but I did dance at home. The type of dancing I did was simple, but still exciting. The first step I usually did was a lowering of my left big finger. I would then move my right hand around until I found a partner. Upon this event I usually lowered both of my index fingers and slid my right hand to one side or the other. Occasionally I would tap my right index finger instead of holding it down. If things were really extraordinary I might push my left thumb down. After a display of this kind, repeated by my partner with several variations, one of us would fall to the floor. The person left standing would then lower it's index finger and wiggle his right arm in search of another partner. The whole thing is rather bizarre, but quite energetic and fun. I am pretty sure I would prefer it too more traditional forms of dancing.

Friday, July 15, 2005

I know of the 3rd Coolest Guy On The Planet! That has to count for something.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Well, I put up some new 'wall paper' 7.5' quad maps are teh bomb

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Robot Guitarist

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

My Yesterday

Life was good, yesterday. We started the holiday by picking blueberries for some neighbors. They run a commercial farm and had made a commitment to several stores. Unfortunately, many of the people that were going to pick went on vacation. So, several of us pitched in. (Look for Meadow Glen blueberries at local stores, they are quite nice) We then ate lunch at home and began packing the van.

When we arrived at the T’s house there didn’t seem to be much excitement. Several people were making water balloons and many others were sitting around. I headed out the front door and saw Jeff sitting around. However, he was sitting around and doing something rather exciting, namely, dismembering Piccolo Petes with channel-lock pliers. He would then pour the resulting powder into small prescription medicine bottles. These would be wrapped in copious amounts of tape with a fuse in one end. A big, black bomb was sitting in a box, made with an amount of powder I will specify later. The one he was working on when we showed up contained the powder from 5 Piccolo Petes, enough to make an impressive bang when exploded several minutes later. If you want to hear about more illegal firework exploits, do not leave this page.

Next was a balloon toss, which my parents won handily. They ended up more than 50 feet apart. I offered to play, “Toss the H-bomb” with someone, but was refused. A ‘Funilator’ contest followed. Mr. T. had made a three man slingshot out of surgical tubing and a large funnel. The idea was to shoot targets placed in an unused field. Hitting a cow would earn you double prizes. However, the solid funnel popped the water balloons many more times than it launched them. After several hundred balloons were sent to their doom, and several hits were gained, several people decided to just toss at the cows. Hitting a bovine with a water balloon at 200 feet is no small feat, but several people did it. When one of the cows were hit they usually didn’t care, but they did once. The last balloon was cast: someone claimed that it would hit a nose, lo and behold, Peanut was pegged in exactly that location. The result was one mad cow and many laughing people.

Time for an interlude, something that happened during the time I am recounting anyway. Has anyone seen a bee firework dropped in water? The ‘dihdydrogen monoxide’ bubbles intensely and a green light illuminates the container. Anyways, you may now return to your scheduled programming.

After dinner Jeff suggested Ultimate Frisbee. This was executed in the front yard (which was too small, but we weren’t going in the cow pasture) with teams of boys against girls. We were outnumbered, but won at 10-3. The girls weren’t very happy about that, and jumped to a deal for a rematch when Jeff offered to play with three boys versus five girls. This proved more climactic, but the guys played much better and settled the matter with 5-3 points.

Well, around 8:45 Mr. T. decided to shoot off some parachute fireworks while there was still light out. He had about 20 of those and proceeded to fire them. Jeff and several other people had blown things up sporadically throughout the day, but started earnestly at this time. Now comes the story you have (probably) been waiting for. Remember the big, black bomb? Yes, Jeff and Josh H. had filled it with the powder of 12 or 13 Piccolo Petes and covered it with electrical and duct tape. It ended up the size of a large fist with a convenient fuse on the top. (I hope there is a picture of it somewhere, hint, hint, Chelsea) It was brought to the chicken yard and subsequently blown up. Suffice it to say that it was very loud, and even from 150 feet away I felt a major shockwave. An inch deep crater was formed and an area 10 feet in diameter was cleaned of dust. Additionally, the bottom of the container was blasted into the ground. When we looked ten minutes later we could still see the smoke a half-mile down the valley. Very illegal, very impressive.

From that point on (about 9:00) we started lighting the sky in a serious manner. A vast profusion of fountains, bottle rockets, roman candles and mortars went up in flames. 6 tanks had a battle, more parachutes were launched, fun was in the air. At one point, my brother had a roman candle ball burn through his shirt. There is a reason for the warning stickers, oh well. Some 20 strobes were lit throughout the night, making everyone rather annoyed. Of course, I couldn’t get away without explaining another exploit masterminded by Jeff. Four mortar tubes were lined up and launched simultaneously. During the two hours we were launching, about 8 other houses in the valley had their own show going. From our vantage point we observed that most of Chelatchie Prairie was filled with smoke. Sometime around 10:20, we noticed flashes on the horizon, accompanied by low rumbles. We deduced it to be the Fort Vancouver show. Additionally, around 10:30 we saw a procession of mortar shells coming from a hill that looked suspiciously like the one the B’s live on. Is my suspicion valid?

There is one last thing I have to mention. I have heard rumors of something rather bizarre happening the next (this) morning, but I will need a T. to explain it. However, rumors could be just that.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Fourth of July Thoughts

In case all of the advertising and hype hasn't gotten into your thick skulls yet, tomorrow is Independence Day. In states where the right to use real fireworks is still supported (as it is in Washington) fireworks will be popping and roaring across the countryside. For a short time every year the sounds of war rages across the U.S. It is a testimony to the blessing of God, and the abilities of our military, that these explosions are meant for celebration and not destruction.